Overwhelming Silence

Silence can mean peace.
Silence can mean bliss.
Silence allows room for your thoughts and dreams
To take hold without anything getting in the way.

Sometimes though, I realize how scared the silence makes me.
Silence is when my deepest fears creep out.
Silence means I am alone.
Silence seems to be the unsaid judgement
Passing from someone sneering at what I said or did,
Instead of actually responding.

One of my biggest pet peeves is to be ignored.
That takes root in my fears also.
I worry that no matter what I say,
It won't matter to the person who heard me.
This then creates nightmares of me screaming,
While everyone stands idly, and more importantly, silently, by
As I suffer.

Maybe it's a metaphor for how I ignore
My deepest issues by ignoring them.
Maybe it's rooted in childhood issues of
Feeling abandoned or ignored,
While no one bothered to listen to what the youngest had to say.

Since words are my passion and my comfort,
Silence seems to be the natural born enemy.
Silence to me means I can no longer talk,
As if someone has sewn my mouth shut,
And I will lose my greatest tool and art form.
I worry I will no longer be able to powerfully, or eloquently, say what I mean.

I worry I will hide in fear like I used to
At those who claim to have more power and knowledge than me.
As I have grown older, I have learned how to find my voice,
How to use it,
And how to use it effectively.

But my fears remind me that can all be taken away,
And that I can be destroyed by my own silence.
I guess that is my biggest fear.